One Week To Go!

I cannot believe that it’s been over one month since I last wrote. So much has happened in that space of time.

The most exciting thing that happened was at then end of June when Scribe Publications made an offer on my novel Measuring Up. I have been pursuing publishers for several years and was finally rewarded. I have wanted to be an author for my entire life and now I can say I really am. I have a contract signed and have an advance cheque just waiting to be banked! I know that having a child changes your life and is a most amazing experience, but I can honestly say that I am so proud of myself and this achievement with my writing. Writing is incredibly important to me and to be paid for doing something you love and to have people say they enjoy what you write... well. I’m not sure I can describe that. With our first child on the way and a publishing deal on the table, it feels as though new and different doors of future possibilities are opening for me.

Mum had her operation on her arm and is recovering well, all this time after the initial fall in Bali. She has plates and bars and wire and bolts holding all the bits together and the surgery was quite major and extensive. She is staying with us now as she recuperates, which is nice for me to keep me company in my last weeks.

Unfortunately, we’ve also had some of the worst news of our lives. On Wednesday 13th August, Matt’s Mum, Irene, was rushed to Canberra hospital with a burst aneurism in her brain. As I write, she is in a stable condition in Woden Hospital ICU. She has had major brain surgery to drain the aneurism that burst and also to clamp the second aneurism they found that had not burst. For the next 21 days, it is touch and go as they watch and hope for signs of progress and improvement. Matthew has been there since Thursday morning, came home yesterday (Sunday) and will return tomorrow. I have stayed here feeling helpless. I have needed to be with Mum and also close to the hospital. Plus, I think people would start to worry about me if I was away with Matthew the whole time. I know Irene would want me here, relaxing and resting as much as I can.

I’m really feeling for Matty. This is potentially the best and worst time in his life and trying to experience both simultaneously makes the good thing bittersweet and the bad thing almost unbearable. He has been a real hero throughout this time for his family and it seems he has taken the lead and initiative where organisation and decision making has been required. I am so proud of him, the man he has become and the father he will be.

And as for my pregnancy health, I’m 20kgs heavier than I was; now at 84kgs. And I must say, a little disappointed. I didn’t want to go past 80kgs. On the 2nd of August at 37weeks, I had a little rise in blood pressure and felt very out of sorts. I spent the day in hospital being monitored. They did a scan of the baby’s heart and even graphed some Braxton Hicks contractions I was apparently having (couldn’t feel them myself!). In the end I was able to go home, although they were concerned about the “starry vision” and the general puffiness of my face, feet and hands. I have felt ok since then and am more ware of when I need to rest.

People say I look great and I’m “all baby”, but my feet look like they’re pregnant as well! I have little to no feeling in my big toes and a general feeling of poor circulation throughout my legs. Matthew is reluctant and stingy when asked to massage them and I’m noting that here so I can be mean when he next has an injury!!

I wanted to write a little bit about how it feels to have the baby moving inside me. It used to feel like definite kicks and punches. And early on I could feel rolling around. The first roll I ever felt, I thought it was going to come out of my belly button. But after about 26 weeks or so, it dropped into the head down position, although at my last visit to Dr. Simonson, he said I still wasn’t “fully engaged” and that was at 39 weeks. Now, I feel lots of rubbing, mostly what I suspect is a little foot on my left hand side. Sometimes I feel like a little click where a joint or something must move. Every day for the past ten weeks or so, baby has the hiccups – usually just after I’ve eaten. The hiccups feel funny, mostly low down, but definitely easy for other people to feel if they put their hand on me. Some nights my entire stomach looks like soup on the boil as little body parts grind, push, wriggle and shift inside me. And I must admit, I find it so comforting. I love feeling it move and watching it move. I know I will miss this when it comes out.

The nursery is all finished and it looks beautiful. It is filled already with gifts from people, mostly families of students at school. I still can’t really imagine a baby being in there though. My baby!

Leaving school was difficult but not too sad. It was good because the Term Two holidays had arrived and everyone was looking forward to the break. The teachers spoilt me with a fun “good luck” assembly. The kids cheered as I raced another teacher to feed a doll a bottle and change a nappy. I also had to assemble a port-a-cot and a pram! I had the sweetest “baby shower” (or as one student called it “baby bath”) with the parents and students from my class. Then, a few weeks into my leave, we met with the staff for a dinner out and our other “baby shower”. The staff paid for a gorgeous baby rocker (which we had chosen). They are beautiful people and I miss working there and having their company and the company of kids each day.

I have packed a labour bag and a hospital bag. It really feels like everything is ready. Of everyone in the antenatal class that we have become friends with, I am the last “egg” remaining to “crack”. I am a little terrified, especially since Matty is preoccupied with his Mum (and rightly so, but I just get more of a feeling that I’m on my own for this one). But I’m also really excited. I can’t wait to love this child and do my best as a Mum and turn our little world as a family-couple into a family-with-children.

I am thoroughly convinced that it’s a boy. I’m almost certain that at that 20 week scan I saw a penis under that enormous umbilical cord. I refer to the baby as “Joshie” short for Joshua which is what we’ll name him if it’s a boy. We haven’t told everyone our preferred names yet, but the top two are Joshua and Olivia.

Well – that’s enough of an update. I’ve felt quite different today, my tummy is hard as a rock and I’ve had a few twingey pains. I don’t think it’s arriving immediately, but I think we’re getting close.

I pray for blessings on my family. Especially good health for Irene and a healthy baby for Matthew and me.