27 Weeks, 13 to go!

This week I'm attaching a copy of my fortnightly column that goes in the local paper.

What Would I Know?
An Interview

Okay, it’s time to come clean. Each fortnight my column introduces me as a “child education correspondent”. Well, the truth is, that’s about all I know – education. I’m about to have my first child and despite a four year university degree and nearly ten years of teaching experience, I can safely say I know nothing!

Fortunately though, I do know Gaye; mother of eight, grandmother to 1 and another grandchild on the way! Gaye is also a Teacher-Librarian and no doubt an old sage when it comes to raising children.

This week, Gaye has asked me a few tricky questions, just to see how prepared I am for motherhood!

1. What are some of the most fantastic old wives’ tales you have heard regarding pregnancy and childbirth?

It’s not the old wives’ tales that I find fantastic, but all the “new” stuff. These days you can have an elective Caesar, there’s gender pre-selection and heaps of antenatal tests available. Much of that stuff actually scares me, I think I prefer the old wives’ tales about long drives on bumpy roads and heartburn causing hair growth!

2. The first time you hold your baby and it wraps its little hand around your finger, what emotions might be invoked in you?

I think I might feel terrified, but also consumed with love.

3. Most mums feel that it is important to tick off the milestones in their child’s life. What are the milestones you are looking forward to in your baby’s first year?

To be honest, I don’t really know what a baby does in it’s first year. I guess it might grow teeth, crawl, eat food, walk and talk. I think they still need nappies by the time they’re one.

4. There is an old expression “to sleep like a baby”. What are your expectations about a baby’s sleeping patterns?

Okay – I know this is a trick question because what I expect and what I’ll get are two different things. I’d like my baby to sleep fairly regularly so that both of us (and hubby) can remain sane and healthy. Everyone says babies are noisy sleepers, I can’t understand this. What do they do that’s so noisy?


5. What would you consider is more important for a child – spontaneity or organisation?

Well Gaye, you’ve met my husband Matthew so you know that organisation comes first! But together, he and I are a good balance of spontaneity and organised routine so hopefully our child will get a good dose of both.

6. How can you make immunisation time as painless as possible for both mother and child?

Send the Dad.

7. What is the most amazing item you have seen which can be purchased for babies?

Well, first of all let me tell you about the electric breast pumps that are out there! They remind me of some of the machinery I’ve seen on local dairy farms! The most amazing baby product I’ve seen is a bouncer called a “swing”. It moves in five different ways, has a canopy, twinkling light shows, an MP3 jack and baby songs programmed in. I would actually like one for myself.

8. I am now going to mention three childbirth terms and I want you to tell me what they mean to you: Branxton-Hicks contractions; Pelvic floor exercises; and an epidural.

Branxton Hicks contractions are like Mother Nature’s version of a fire drill. They are pretend contractions designed to scare you half to death and remind you that the little sucker inside you has got to come out some time soon. I hope they are painless.

Pelvic Floor Exercises are the things I should be doing regularly throughout my pregnancy. Otherwise all the things in my pelvis could end up on the floor.

Epidural sounds bad, like the brand name for a power drill. Is an epidural when they suck the baby out? I don’t really know and I don’t think I want to know.

9. Finally, if I were a fairy godmother and could grant you three wishes for your child what would you wish for?

I thought you were a fairy godmother Gaye! You have to be close to something mystic to survive eight pregnancies and labours! Okay, three wishes...
1. Good health
2. A loving father
3. A loving mother
What more could they need?